What would it be like to uncover a part of yourself that you didn’t even know was missing? If you were to be able to uncover that part, would you be curious how this could make you feel… perhaps more alive and authentically yourself?
We often talk about the concept of “coming back to wholeness.” Pieces of us can get lost or buried without us even knowing. Societal influences, inheritance of familial beliefs, childhood messages, and personal trauma all shape who we are and can lead us away from our true spirit and inner knowingness.
Sexuality is perhaps the part of us that has received the most negative conditioning and suppression. While condemning of sexuality is widespread amongst all cultures and genders, women in particular bear the brunt of shaming.
For example, a man who has a strong sexual appetite is called a “stud” whereas a woman is called a “slut.”
Furthermore, in this patriarchal society, women are required to act more masculine in order to fit in at the expense of expressing their natural feminine essence. Most women don’t even realize that this is an issue until someone shows them another way.
That’s where healing comes in. The nervous system holds memories that can linger even if we can rationally understand them. We can look at early childhood wounding and see how it continues to play out in our current life.
Through healing rituals designed to support the woman in reconnecting to her feminine joyous self, she can learn to reprogram her nervous system so she no longer has to subconsciously recreate certain experiences that are no longer serving her.
As we listen to our body, memories come up that we would have never thought to look at otherwise. We can re-experience the original trauma (in a safe and nurturing way) and create a new experience – one that supports and transforms our lives for the better.
Here are the stories of three women that all had a powerful transformation once they opened up and allowed themselves to listen and to speak.
A common theme kept coming up for Jane – she had a hard time speaking her voice. She had a deep sense of not belonging, which bled into her personal and professional life.
During a specifically designed self-love practice, she had a vivid memory of feeling violated that had occurred in her adolescence. Jane was about to go to the gynecologist for the first time. Not wanting her to be afraid, her mom demonstrated what the doctor’s appointment would be like by putting her own fingers in Jane’s vagina. To Jane, however, this was even more scary and uncomfortable than the impending doctor’s visit itself. She told her mom to get her fingers out, but her mother wouldn’t listen.
Now, while her mother was well-intentioned, the experience Jane had, was that of deep violation, frustration, and resentment. These old feelings were imprinted in Jane’s nervous system having her feel a sense of powerlessness and an inability to stand up for herself in life.
Through specifically designed practices and conversations, Jane could clear the physical and emotional constraint and reclaim her power. She was guided to go back to the moment of the experience of violation and say the things she wished she could have said to her mother. She now has access to her inner voice, her inner truth, and is able to communicate this strength to others.
Kaitlin felt disconnected and knew there was an important link missing between her mind and body. She remembered the first time she had sex at the age of 15 – it was with an older boy and she didn’t want to do it. However, she went along with it because she did not have the ability to speak up and say “no.”
This experience and incapacity of saying “no” followed her into her adult life. As a consequence she often did not enjoy sex yet suffered through it.
By looking at the early experience head on, she was able to tap into a deep sense of powerlessness. In the present moment of the workshop role-play practice, she was able to assert herself by acting out ‘the pushing of the boy away’ that allowed her whole being and body to experience exerting control.
Through this clearing, Kaitlin was able to set herself free and reconnect to her strong feminine spirit.
Julia had a defining experience with her first sexual encounter. She was quite young, 13, and had sex with a boy her age despite not really wanting to. When turning to her sister for help, her sister brushed it off. Julia desperately wished she could speak to her mother about it but knew it wouldn’t be well received. This left her feeling very isolated and alone, and deeply frustrated over not having any guidance.
She was able to role-play what it would feel like to have motherly guidance and sisterly support. She was brought to tears as a rush of relief and love washed over her. As she softened, she felt connected with her true self and free to self-express.
As we can see, fundamental wounding shows up differently for different women, but at the core the phenomenon is the same. Once we clear this wounding and associated decisions we made, we can open up to our true selves free of constriction and old suffering.
What we witness when a woman comes out on the other side of such clearing and healing is a softening, an ease and effortless flow in her life, relationships and work. We call this the ‘Awakening to Feminine Essence.’
Dr. Elsbeth Meuth is the co-author of “Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love and Intimacy.” She is the co-founder and director of the TantraNova Institute in Chicago offering workshop retreats throughout North America, Europe and Australia. She co-produced the bestselling DVD Series Creating Intimacy & Love and was featured on Showtime’s documentary series Sexual Healing and the Emmy Award-winning NBC show Starting Over.
Over the past decade, Elsbeth and her partner Freddy Zental have assisted thousands of couples and singles rekindle or expand their intimate and love life. http://www.TantraNova.com
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